I've been lost in a dark place for quite some time. Sometimes I stay stuck in the dark place out of fear to move and fear of what I will see when the light finally comes back on.
Now I'd say its neither dark nor light. Some sort of middle dusky place. My situation has improved in a way. A judge took pity on the situation and instead of 18 months, cut down to 12 months at the cost of $5000 for a lawyer was again cut down to six months. Its almost a miracle really. These things rarely happen. He had already signed the plea for a year and the judge felt given the situation and the baby 12 months was too much. So he should be here with me with me for the birth of the baby. I don't think this has soaked in yet. I am still feeling guarded. Also plagued by fears of "well what happens when he actually does get out." He has no where to live so there are few options. I could move out and get a place together and piss off my entire family risking him being crazy again and being stuck right back in the same situation only with a baby, not to mention after paying for the lawyer I am dead broke and have no money for an apartment. Oh and maternity leave gives me 60% of my pay so there's that. He could go to a sober house but that'll cost me like $600 a month anyway and who knows who he will end up living with. Or he could move in with his "boy" who hes in there with... I think we all know how that would probably go. I was planning on using my tax money to get us all set up but since he is coming home way sooner we wont have that money for a while. I guess Ill figure it out one way or another. Time always tells doesn't it? In the mean time I am just sitting here waiting for life to start up again.
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